Codependents guide to finance

 Have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself buying gifts or shopping for someone in order for them to make them happy? 

Do you have people around you who only thinks of you when they need help about money? 

And you can't say No? Especially they are your loved ones. But does love really cost that much? 

Set your boundaries and keep your finances intact. 
Here's my top 3 rules on finance and relationship

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Money plays a crucial role when it comes to your love life — and vice versa. In this video essay, one woman explains how a toxic relationship led her to spend beyond her means, and how her life improved when she found a better partner.  - The Financial Diet. 

Check out Chelsea as she talks more on finance and abusive relationship: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcBlopwsCpU
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As codependents, we tend to give too much whether it's service, finance or feelings. We open a huge part of our lives to our loved ones, trusting them completely and sharing everything wholeheartedly. Somehow, there is a danger when it comes to being codependent. The danger of someone abusing these means and taking over our lives. 

I used to shop for my family and friends a lot. I buy them gifts, clothes..everything they need that I think will make them happy. I didn't ask myself "why am I doing all of it?" I felt my love was being honoured whenever I did those things. Codependents are people pleaser. They like to do things that makes them feel "wanted". When in fact, if these people around you really care for you and love you, it doesn't have to be luxurious. 

It's hard to talk about my personal experience but we all have to learn from our experience. 
1. Don't let anyone abuse your kindness. Don't overdo it. 
I used to help a lot of people and they come back for more without any shame. I didn't set boundaries on them. I continued helping them to the point that I neglected my own needs. These people abused not only at my personal expense, since they know that I can't say no, they kept asking for more. I showed them that they can rely on me all the time - a big mistake. 

When someone ask you for help, you have to lay it all out that you can only do this much and that's it. Don't break your own rules (which I did). 

2. Relationships doesn't cost a thing. $$
In order for me to received love, I spent endlessly for someone in exchange of attention and care. If your family, friends and special someone truly loves you, they will not ask for material things in exchange for love. If you have those people in your life right now, think about it. "What do they really want from you?". 
When I lost my job and can't gave those things, these people who said that they loved me, discarded me instantly just like that.

3. You may sound like a b*tch, selfish and rude but hey! you work hard for it.
People who truly loves you and understand you will not ask for more. Especially when you say NO. They respect your space and your hard earned money. The way that they value your belongings/finances shows how they truly care about you.
If you have leeches around, sucking the life out from you, asking you for more, popping out of nowhere just because they need $$ without even asking what's going on with your life, cut them off before they get into your pocket and your life. 

I felt more peaceful and my anxiety has gone. I'm no longer stressing out about people and things in my life. I carefully choose people that I welcome in my space. People who has genuine interest.

May you find the inner peace and your true people.