5 years ago, I was in a dark long tunnel that I couldn't find the exit signs. I didn't know what was SELF LOVE and I had lots of sense of self issues. Fast forward today, I see lots of "dating experts" has topics about Narcissists and Empaths. Most people now labeled humans as "Narcissists" or "Empaths".
These labeling are not even correct by definition and psychological standard.
What makes a person an Empath and a Narcissist? #individuality
There are only 0.5 to 1% of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and 2% of Empaths in general population.
There's a difference between Narcisstic behaviour/traits and NPD. Especially in the age of social media, all of us has "narcissistic tendency" where we like validation and attention but that doesn't mean we have NPD. It's maybe a form of low self esteem that's why we like to get attention from outside sources.
Narcissists don't feel anything versus who has narcisstic traits that they hear you but they still keep talking about themselves - these are just selfish people not an NPD. Although narcissists also do that in a form of "discarding, ignoring, down playing" how you feel. If you are talking to a friend, they will confirm, validate your information ("yes, I agree, maybe you're right, oh I've noticed that..etc.) while Narcissists, they discard your feelings - "it's not true, you are just imagining things, I didn't say it" - they don't take responsibility for their words and actions. You will always end up doubting and second guessing. - walking on eggshells, a very popular term if you're in a relationship with a Narcissist.
Having Narcissistic Personality Disorder comes from a childhood trauma, same with Empaths. Narcissists don't have a fully developed EQ. They can't meet you in emotional intimacy stage. They don't feel you hurting or in pain. The reaction that you will get is "confusion". They are always confuse why you are crying or hurting. It doesn't work if you tell them that it's their fault. It will only angers the narcissists because in his head he has done nothing wrong to deserve your drama.
Those people who walked out the minute that they see problems in the relationships, they don't have NPD. These people just need "self work", they don't have problem solving skills especially if it has to involve emotions. So they walk out for the fear of these things are foreign to them. If they deal with their emotions they will die - that's what their brain is telling them.
So if you recognize these signs, please get out of the situation immediately. Don't hope for "things will get better". I don't wish anyone to be stuck in 5 years just like what I did to myself.
Empaths are natural giver, compassionate beings of the world. Like Narcissists, coming from childhood trauma, Empaths filled the missing gap of their childhood. They could be raised in a family where they also had to seek attention from their parents, or get approval so they always fill the gaps of "perfection" in the family. So they grew up filling the needs of others instead of healing themselves.
Empaths gravitate towards people - all sorts of energy versus those who has low self esteem. When I walk into a grocery store, a hospital, a mall, anything that has crowd I feel so exhausted, not only that. I know when someone is having a hard time, I feel their pain, their burden and it makes me want to come to them and ask them what's wrong. A normal person will not do that!!
An Empath can feel all these things even miles away as long as they focus their energy into a person or a thing. A highly sensitive person will only feel overwhelmed with crowds or loud noises but they don't feel someone is suffering or in pain and can't detect who is that person.
I have so many weird stories before I didn't know how to practice self love. Here's some stories, my aunt is living in a different country and she didn't tell me that she will undergo surgery to remove the tumor on her leg. Months ago, she was complaining about her leg and I ignored her. A day before her surgery, I can't sleep and I kept browsing my phone whether to call her or not and just say hi but since we are 12 hours apart, I decided to just go to bed but as I lay down, I kept on reaching my phone for no reason. Unlock, lock, unlock, lock until finally I decided to call her. I told her that I was uneasy, I was nervous for no reasons at all. So I asked her, "are you okay?? what's going on?". Then she finally told me that she was uneasy and nervous too because she will go to surgery tomorrow for her leg. I was so shocked when I find out about it. So it wasn't me, it was my aunt's feeling that I felt.
There were also events that I knew beforehand that they will cancel. And when they announced that they will not continue, I was not suprised at all. An Empath knows if you're being real or not. It's true that we are a walking lie detector. If a stranger comes to us and start talking, in less than a minute we can tell whether he is being true to himself or just trying to show off. So don't waste your time to put up a "facade" with us. We know! (but we will not tell you of course, we will keep it to ourselves and still be kind).
The danger of being an Empath is that if we don't know SELF LOVE, we will put our energy on people and things that depletes us until we lose our sense of self.
The difference between people who has low self esteem is that they know when to stop but for Empaths, they keep giving even though they already hit the rock bottom (and they don't even know it).
Highly sensitive person and overly sentimental person are totally different from Empaths. They have similar characteristics - being compassionate and empathic but that doesn't make them an Empath.
Let's just do our inner work which is to become better humans of the world instead of putting labels of what we are.
Advocate of authentic self. Lover of life. Passionate on understanding humans. Serving with a purpose, one day at a time.