Why I'd rather be alone to be with someone who's not good for me? "You are not getting any younger, oh dear what happened to you, go find a husband now!" - How many times do you have to hear it and explain yourself? Does finding the one, getting married, having kids is the only ticket to show the world that you are complete? What if I can say to you out loud and proud that I am already complete, settled, on my own, living the best of life. Eyebrows raised. Silence. #whenyoufindyouroasis
I watched one of Amy Young's video about a guy who seems so good to be true but at the same time mind boggling. I remember the time when I can't let go when I had to but I just can't. I made excuses for his bad behaviours and the dialogue in my head that was on and on.."maybe it could work, maybe it could be fixed". I was so confused with what went wrong in the relationship and why it turned out that way.
I picked men not knowing what I wanted so I ended up spreading myself thin in order to be liked. Yes, better to have crumbs than nothing at all.
I dated men who were good guys, who said the right things, did the right things and in the long run, things shifted. I didn't know the red flags existed. Oh it was right there from the start!
"He was caring to me but why he kept me on my toes? Maybe it would go smoothly in the end". "Did he just brush off my feelings? Oh, he had a bad day.. oh poor him, okay I'll try to be more understanding on his situation". Little did I know that I was doomed on a one sided love. The author and dating coach, Samantha Burns quoted;
"Someone isn’t good for you when you don’t feel like the best version of yourself in the relationship. Often times when you’re with the wrong person it will feel out of balance, with you giving more than you’re receiving. In a healthy relationship, there should be an equal effort invested by both partners. You can tell if someone isn’t good for you if you’re regularly feeling on edge, anxious, insecure, needy, argumentative, jealous, sad, or crying frequently." - You are so spot on Samantha Burns!
He was the type of guy who made me feel shame for ranting at him, putting out his situation as worst than I had or had the baddest day ever than anyone on planet earth. I had a partner that I couldn't confide with because his sh*t were more important than how I felt. He was the type of man who shows off to the world "I need to be taken care of, my issues are bigger than everyone". Instead of looking after myself, a codependent, empath old self me, tried to fill the cracks of our shit hole relationship and became disconnected with myself.
So after the phase of moving on, looking after myself, setting boundaries, the work with myself is not yet finish. I keep on meeting different guys with different issues. It only teaches me one lesson - to exercise the dating muscle of setting my standards and boundaries. I used to be obsessed with "why doesn't he like me back? why doesn't he want me?" And chase the guys, trying to prove them that I'm the one - how does it says about my self worth right? Now, I'm always speaking in truth.The truth that I don't know this guy and I only like him with the ideas or or fantasies of a relationship in my head. I just want to enjoy dating without the pressure of being in a relationship. Same thing with, I want to enjoy being single without the pressure of society judging me on my decisions. Being alone doesn't mean being lonely. And we can all live our lives choosing our own needs, our own desires without explaining to the world why we always choose ourselves no matter what. Whether it will work out or not, I'm totally fine with what the universe will serve me because in the end, I can pat myself on the back and say "I've got you"
Advocate of authentic self. Lover of life. Passionate on understanding humans. Serving with a purpose, one day at a time.