Jonathan Aslay, the author of the book, a dating coach and therapist talks about self love on his Youtube channel. I called him my favourite uncle on dating. His dating advices are not only meant for women, as well as men. He always comes from a neutral ground where we all have to understand that each of us has unresolved traumas. All we can do is to be kind to one another as human beings. #selflove #singlewomenawareness
I recently wrote about a woman on her 30s expressing her frustrations on dating and I also talked about how she and I were different when it comes to goals.
We are all different, beautiful and unique. We don't need validation from anyone to prove it.
What we should be doing now that we are single in our 30s? A lot of advice are work on yourself - fitness, self care, start a hobby, etc. I'm not going to advice you on that, for sure you got it all covered.
I'm going to say, secure yourself - financially. No one tells me, no one taught me how to be independent. I just figured my life how to become an adult. One thing that I have no knowledge of, is "how to really take care of myself".
While most of us are dreaming about finding a perfect partner, marriage and kids, I am figuring out LIFE.
Like do I want to be employed forever? What's it's going to be like when I'll turn 40 with no family? Can I still afford this kind of lifestyle until I'm 80 or so??
I planned my life with or without "I'll get married or have family in the future". Before we dream of having that perfect husband or a family or kids, are we set up financially forever?? They mostly hear me say "I don't want to have kids" because I can't see myself working my entire life or my husband has to work hard to provide all the essentials in raising kids.
We have to ask ourselves first, can I afford to put my kids to school? Can I provide all their needs until I'm 50 or 60? If you do the math and see yourself financially stable or it doesn't matter to you that you're still working at that age, then do you. As for me, I want to enjoy the fruits of my labour when I'm 40 or 50 or 60 without thinking too much of responsibilities.
There are millions of homeless kids, orphans looking for a place to call home. I've visited organisations and orphanage, most of those kids are asking "why my parents don't want me?". I don't know how to answer it. I don't have the knowledge back then, I was 18 and to see those eyes were unforgettable experience to me. We can foster kids, we can be parents to those kids. They deserve more love. I am clear with my purpose. Society shame women who can't conceive or choose career over family. They thought it's our only purpose and that will complete us. There are women who are gifted to become moms but not everyoe can become a mother.
We've been reprogrammed enough by our belief system - parents, society, tradition that we are complete when we get to have kids or we can call it a family. But a family can mean anything - a society you belong to can be your family, a community you belong to is a family... all things that we can connect deeply is also what we can call home.
I was also raised with all these fairytales - happily ever after and prince charming. Reality hit me, that we don't live in a Disneyland. We can be the star of our own dreams ONLY IF we make it happen.
So if you want to be a mother - prepare for it. If you want to find a husband - look for him! (just kidding)
If you want to find meaning and purpose - search for it.
We have better things to do than sit and wait for prince charming to rescue us. Our being single is the perfect time to prepare ourselves for the future, to create the life that we want.
Here's how we can reprogram our mind to create the life that we deserve!
Advocate of authentic self. Lover of life. Passionate on understanding humans. Serving with a purpose, one day at a time.