They said memories are bittersweet. We can't say "I only had happy memories all throughout my life" neither "I only had sadness recollections". We also do have memories that we're trying to bury deep down like it never happened. When we try so hard to forget, it doesn't go away. We experience flashbacks or we get paralyze, freeze on a familiar spot or scenario. Have you experience these things? It's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). #ptsdawareness
When I didn't know any better, I woke up crying and can't remember if that was a nightmare or simply a sad event of my life so I tried to dismiss it because it's unusual. Yes, we like to walk away from things that are new to us, things that are weird and unusual. We don't even bother to be curious where it's coming from.
The relationship between a codependent and narcissist are like hot and cold. When my narcissist walked out the door and left me how many times, I still wished that he would come back. With no doubt, he would show up unannounced whenever he wanted to and silly me accepted him without hesitation. Then one of those nights happened where I was crying in my sleep. I didn't wish to recall it. Forget it. It was nothing, I said to myself. About 2 to 3 months time when we broke up, whenever I saw someone with only a figure of same height or haircut, I froze. I thought it looks exactly like him and I couldn't move to where I was. 6 months down, whenever I saw a familiar car, or exactly like his clothes, I run to avoid that apparition.
Then I heard one of Michelle Chelfant's podcast "What do you do with pain". https://michellechalfant.com/podcast/77. For us to recover and heal our wounds, we have to recognize our pain, she explained. She also pointed out about those triggers and anxiety. On her example, there was a girl who's afraid whenever she sees an old red truck, she becomes paralyze too. The situation we associated with the object or the person and we replay those old tapes in our head but when we look closely, we are fabricating those thoughts. So I did run away with a figure of a man who l thought was my narcissist but I tried to calm down, took a second glance to the person I tried to avoid. Lo and behold, it's totally a different guy.
Another example where you hated going to a favorite place you used to go with that person because of those memories. Or worst, you stopped doing that things you used to love to do. When you tried to sit in with those pain, you will only learn one thing. - "It's not about him or her". If you will try to go back to your favorite place for example, you can tell that you let the pain stops you from being happy.
Why are we avoiding the things that hurt us? We are afraid to grieve. We fear if we recognized pain, suffering, disappointments, we can never get out of it. Have you heard from people around you that they usually say "Don't cry, everything is going to be alright." Versus those people who says "It's okay to cry. Let it out.". Our emotions is just another form of energy. Energy in motion. We have to let these negative vibrations resurface. If we buried it deep down, it's an energy blocking our well being. It becomes a trauma. We become a bitter person or we like to hurt people because we've been hurt.
Hurt people hurt people.
It only takes 21 days of repetitive action to become a habit, expert says. Imagine that you always start your day with a heavy heart and you don't know why because you subconsciously trying to discard those emotions such as sadness, anger, or disappointment. Those habits on a monthly routine becomes a mood. A bitter, angry, sad mood becomes a temperament, no wonder why you've been sulking and moody for years now. It's our unresolved issues within ourselves.
If you find yourself in a position where you don't want to recall bad memories or we called selective amnesia, you are terrified to go to place or do the old things you love to do for the fear of those memories coming back or if you had nightmares, woke up crying in your sleep, it's time to seek counseling. Post Traumatic Stress should be taken seriously before it will take half of your life as healthy human beings. I hope this post will lift those blinders and turn your situation in a new light. Full of self love and awakening.
Advocate of authentic self. Lover of life. Passionate on understanding humans. Serving with a purpose, one day at a time.